Pubcon, Ass Juice, and Hot Dogs

Vegas is a sewer. I learned that, plus a few other things I’d like to share on behalf of all of us at SEO Chicks. Sorry we didn’t blog last week but we were too busy drinking and recovering from hangovers to do much of anything other than moan and stagger around. OK I’m mainly speaking for Lisa but in general, I think all of us were quite busy out there. Also, since we’re all social whores I’ll try and squeeze in some relevant photos here, to illustrate my points. I didn’t get many photos of Lisa but oddly enough, there are only about 1000 other people who did!

Julie and Judith

1. Referring to Judith as “the chick with the big tits” is highly obnoxious. Sure, we may do that but it does not mean that you are welcome to do the same. Also, refusing her truffles is just plain rude. She bought the good stuff! Thanks to the conference doormen who were polite enough to take some. The rest of you are all a bunch of bastards.

2. Telling us over and over how great it is that women blog is seriously annoying. That’s like telling someone it’s cool that he or she is black. We do not need to hear that it’s OK that we’re blogging, or that you think it’s nice that we are doing something other than knitting and birthing babies. The odds are quite high that we are much, much smarter than you are. Thanks to Rhea Drysdale for the photo.

SEO Chicks at Pubcon

3. Trying to have a serious conversation about something is very difficult when you’re all wearing SEO Chicks t-shirts and sitting together at Pubcon. Especially when you’re giggling and feeding each other chocolate. OK we didn’t do either of those things. I don’t think that I have giggled in 15 years.

4. Don’t ever think that, just because your friend gets carded going into a bar because he looks 16, you also need to pull out your ID. You’ll just be humiliated as I was with Esrun when the lady said “ma’am, I don’t actually need to see your ID.” Thanks a lot, you raging whore. I’ll not forget your face any time soon.

Double Down Saloon bathroom

5. Don’t think that you can continue to drink Ass Juice at the Double Down Saloon and not get so drunk that you can barely stand up. Sure it tastes like Kool-Aid, but it’s packed full of bad, bad stuff that will kill you, especially the next day. What a truly amazing bathroom they have though! There were even puke stains on the ceiling.

6. Don’t assume that, when you meet a woman and you don’t immediately recognize her, she is just there WITH someone important and not there AS someone important. We’re not all arm candy.

7. Telling everyone how bad black hat SEO is will really piss me off. I don’t speak for the other chicks here but personally, I think that the black hat boys and girls are the brightest ones out there and if you don’t like what they do, go tell Matt Cutts about it, not me. Actually don’t do that at all. I will just give them your name and have them hack your site anyway.

8. Don’t be too surprised when you’re all dolled up walking around with your geeky male friends and someone asks how much you cost. Take it as a compliment, even though it’s not at all.

Glyn at Slots A Fun

9. Do not, under ANY circumstances, drink more than one $1.25 margarita and/or eat more than one $0.99 neon red hot dog at Slots A Fun (sic) unless you’re thinking of dying. Here’s the lovely Glyn Higginson attempting to drink something (can’t remember what) with his nose. It’s THAT kind of place. And the photo is blurry because I took it with my iPhone camera, not because I was incompetent or remotely intoxicated.

10. Do not pretend that something wasn’t your idea just in case it sucks really bad. If it turns out to be the highlight of the night, no one is going to believe you when you claim that it really actually was YOUR idea after all. Witness my night at the Double Down Saloon, which was truly the most fun night I had out there.

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28 Responses to “Pubcon, Ass Juice, and Hot Dogs”

  1. ha ha! Great points Julie, you’re nuts =)

    Oh and don’t tell some American dude his avatar is “cheesy”, man they take things personally! Woha!

    I’ll be posting in the next few days as well, mostly stories and things over heard and obviously packed with photos that are borderline dodgy. ha ha this is when I can slap in all those photos that people untagged themseleves on facebook in. Mwaahahhahha, you’re never safe =)

  2. esrun says:

    lol excellent post. that arse juice was getting stronger and stronger, no wonder we all staggered out of there so drunk!

  3. Julie Joyce says:

    Esrun. Sir. I was not at all drunk. I was the adult, as always. Except for when I kept yelling “I played that!!!” every time a good punk song came on. That was a BIT immature.

  4. Stephanie says:

    Punk Haven! Pubcon was awesome and so was meeting all of you ladies. I hope to see you guys again.

  5. Ummm… that image makes it look like I stuffed a ferrett down my top!

    And you know we’re going to start ranking for “ass juice” soon.

    Not as bad as my drunken title tag though

  6. Hey, when did you gals meet up? How’d I miss that?! :(

  7. Julie Joyce says:

    @Stephanie: “Ladies”??? who? oh us??

    @Judith: I thought that’s what you did? What am I missing? I hope we rank for ass juice. I could use some action. OK damn, that’s a joke.

    @Rebecca: um, at Pubcon. Where were you? We didn’t even see you there! Hiding from SEOish maybe?

  8. g1smd says:

    Ooook. Ten whole days with no Chicks posts.

    Now we know what you were up to.

    Sounds like a good time was had by all, especially Lisa (hic).

    So, between all the drinking and eating and drinking wasn’t there some sort of conference going on?

  9. Jane says:

    @ #4: The opposite is also true. Just because your friends don’t get carded, it doesn’t mean you don’t look like you’re 15 :D

    @ #8: I’m pretty sure that when I was standing outside the Venetian waiting for some people that most people passing by thought I was standing there for some other reason.

    @ #9: I don’t think my “margarita” at Lots A Fun had any booze in it at all. I got about half way through it before we all said, “So, it’s about that time then, isn’t it?” and we left. Also, I think Glyn’s drink was a rum and coke!

  10. Julie Joyce says:

    Was there a conference???? How did I miss that?

    Ah, yes rum and coke. I remember that now…hope Glyn does. That was one seriously cool glass.

  11. Glynuel says:

    that ‘glass’ (cheap plastic…) managed to survive the flight home and a flight to and from Marrakesh in soft luggage.

    what can I say – my brother asked me to bring him something ‘kitsch’. I interperated that as ‘cheap’.

    rum and coke it was. and thanks to trooper Jay for helping me out with finishing it. it seemed to go on for ever.

    here’s to next year’s!

  12. Julie Joyce says:

    Couldn’t have been that cheap…it cost like $8!!! For Slots A Fun, that was pricey stuff.

    Jay can usually be counted upon to help anyone finish anything alcoholic.

  13. Jon Henshaw says:

    “You’re like chicks and you like totally blog. Whoa!”

    Seriously though, it was great to meet you at PubCon this year. I hope to see you there next year.

  14. Julie Joyce says:

    Ha! Yeah, amazing stuff. Hard to believe that a group of women can write.

    It was great to meet you too! You were the first “fan” that I met. Next time at least pretend to recognize me though!!

  15. Yah – awesome to get together with you ladies again… And Vegas soooo rocks.

    Hey Julie – I tried the SideCar cocktails on one of the nights and they made them so strong – I had to brace myself every time I had a sip…

    Were they THAT strong last year – or am I just getting old….(please don’t say the latter…)

  16. Julie Joyce says:

    Anita!!! They did appear to be stronger this year honestly…I didn’t remember them being that kicky in 2006.

    You ARE getting old though. Ha!!

  17. Julie Joyce says:

    Anita, did you get a photo of that drunk old guy who threatened to put a bullet in Mike’s head if he hit on his 90 year old wife?

  18. g1smd says:

    Lisa seems to be a bit quiet in this thread.

    Is she still slumped in the corner somewhere?

  19. Julie Joyce says:

    She’s just simply a very quiet and delicate little flower, that’s all. She’s exhibiting decorum, unlike the rest of us.

  20. Mike Nott says:

    I don’t know what you’re talking about, there was hardly any alcohol in those arse juice drinks. I had about ten of them interspersed with the same number of beers, and was totally fine and didn’t need to be put to bed at 10pm.

    Good post btw.

  21. Julie Joyce says:

    @Mike! Hahahaha. You were truly the most enjoyable ever that night. Except when you kept yelling at me to get off you. You just looked very cuddly.

  22. Matt Davies says:

    I can’t believe there’s a drink called ‘ass juice’…

  23. Julie Joyce says:

    @Matt…believe it!! Straight outta their ass and into your glass. Seriously. Of course it sounded MUCH better when the Brits ordered “ahhs juice” than when I had my Southern drawl doing it. It was lethal. It was a horrible brownish red, too, and we lapped it up like starving kittens.

  24. Jane says:

    But what was IN it?

  25. Julie Joyce says:

    No one would tell us. Apparently each bartender makes his own special batch. It tasted kind of like really good kool-aid to me. Not being much of a drinker (ahem) I could not identify the contents but surely someone who was there could…I’m going to find out, by God!!!

  26. Jane says:

    I like to think of myself as a pretty seasoned drinker and I can usually pick which booze is going into a drink… but I didn’t try this charming cocktail.

    I know what was in the Wynn’s cosmopolitans. It was crack. That’s how I stayed up all night.

  27. Julie Joyce says:

    Ha!! The Wynn makes a seriously strong drink. Their Sidecars were my best friend’s downfall last year.

  28. Jane says:

    The Wynn is the only place I’ve ever been to that makes a cosmo ALMOST as strong as I do at home. Heavy on the vodka; light on the cranberry. Should we move this gratuitous alcohol discussion to Facebook?!

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