Since link building is about as fun as ripping off your own toenails with pliers, I thought it might be useful to spark some creative ideas into the heads of poor, depressed link builders. You know who you are. So without further ado, or maybe with lots of further ado, it depends on my mood…
Top 3 Link Building Ideas For The Link Building-Callenged
Become A Candidate For An Important Political Office
(hint: After announcing your candidacy, say lots of incredibly stupid things that suggest you know nothing about politics. That will score you bonus links).
Note that this option may cost lots of money, but the really cool thing is that there are millions of people willing to just DONATE money to you for this very purpose. Amazing.
Call Yourself The Champ Of Your Industry
(hint: other ego-stroking adjectives such as Guru, UberPro, etc. may work as well. Then, just like the Candidate hint above, say lots of incredibly stupid things that suggest you know nothing about your industry. That will score you bonus links).
Note that this option can be done very cheaply. Any old badly-designed, 1990′s-reminiscent web page, with old outdated information on it will suffice.
Be The Industry Police
(hint: Tell EVERYONE who is ANYONE in your industry that they are WRONG – every chance you get. Once you’ve been banned from any communication with the industry leaders, begin telling everyone in the lower echelons of the industry that THEY are wrong – every chance you get).
Note that this option requires that you have NO LIFE because you will be spending 24/7 commenting on other people’s blogs, and holding endless inane discussions on forums and social networks.
Note that you will need to have a thick skin if you attempt any of these link building techniques, as you will likely accrue quite a few new nicknames that may rhyme with “slick-head”, “sass-pole”, or “fun-of-a-switch”. But hey, there’s also a really good chance you’ll actually rank well for those terms as well. BONUS POINTS!