Pubcon, Ass Juice, and Hot Dogs

Vegas is a sewer. I learned that, plus a few other things I’d like to share on behalf of all of us at SEO Chicks. Sorry we didn’t blog last week but we were too busy drinking and recovering from hangovers to do much of anything other than moan and stagger around. OK I’m mainly speaking for Lisa but in general, I think all of us were quite busy out there. Also, since we’re all social whores I’ll try and squeeze in some relevant photos here, to illustrate my points. I didn’t get many photos of Lisa but oddly enough, there are only about 1000 other people who did!


1. Referring to Judith as “the chick with the big tits” is highly obnoxious. Sure, we may do that but it does not mean that you are welcome to do the same. Also, refusing her truffles is just plain rude. She bought the good stuff! Thanks to the conference doormen who were polite enough to take some. The rest of you are all a bunch of bastards.

2. Telling us over and over how great it is that women blog is seriously annoying. That’s like telling someone it’s cool that he or she is black. We do not need to hear that it’s OK that we’re blogging, or that you think it’s nice that we are doing something other than knitting and birthing babies. The odds are quite high that we are much, much smarter than you are. Thanks to Rhea Drysdale for the photo.


3. Trying to have a serious conversation about something is very difficult when you’re all wearing SEO Chicks t-shirts and sitting together at Pubcon. Especially when you’re giggling and feeding each other chocolate. OK we didn’t do either of those things. I don’t think that I have giggled in 15 years.

4. Don’t ever think that, just because your friend gets carded going into a bar because he looks 16, you also need to pull out your ID. You’ll just be humiliated as I was with Esrun when the lady said “ma’am, I don’t actually need to see your ID.” Thanks a lot, you raging whore. I’ll not forget your face any time soon.


5. Don’t think that you can continue to drink Ass Juice at the Double Down Saloon and not get so drunk that you can barely stand up. Sure it tastes like Kool-Aid, but it’s packed full of bad, bad stuff that will kill you, especially the next day. What a truly amazing bathroom they have though! There were even puke stains on the ceiling.

6. Don’t assume that, when you meet a woman and you don’t immediately recognize her, she is just there WITH someone important and not there AS someone important. We’re not all arm candy.

7. Telling everyone how bad black hat SEO is will really piss me off. I don’t speak for the other chicks here but personally, I think that the black hat boys and girls are the brightest ones out there and if you don’t like what they do, go tell Matt Cutts about it, not me. Actually don’t do that at all. I will just give them your name and have them hack your site anyway.

8. Don’t be too surprised when you’re all dolled up walking around with your geeky male friends and someone asks how much you cost. Take it as a compliment, even though it’s not at all.


9. Do not, under ANY circumstances, drink more than one $1.25 margarita and/or eat more than one $0.99 neon red hot dog at Slots A Fun (sic) unless you’re thinking of dying. Here’s the lovely Glyn Higginson attempting to drink something (can’t remember what) with his nose. It’s THAT kind of place. And the photo is blurry because I took it with my iPhone camera, not because I was incompetent or remotely intoxicated.

10. Do not pretend that something wasn’t your idea just in case it sucks really bad. If it turns out to be the highlight of the night, no one is going to believe you when you claim that it really actually was YOUR idea after all. Witness my night at the Double Down Saloon, which was truly the most fun night I had out there.