How Not To Get Your Comment Approved

We have been getting a surge of comment spam that is obviously being done by very apologetic individuals. As a good Southerner, I appreciate the manners involved but let me list out a few things that won’t get you the links you want…

Saying something like “I like site give me link!” This is definitely to the point. I appreciate that, seriously, but at least give me a reason! Liking a site isn’t a good enough reason for us to allow your comment through. And of course you like our site. It rocks. Join the fanclub (cough).

Adding in a frowny face emoticon. While this always makes me laugh since it expresses the utter anguish of link building and the despair of everday life, it’s the equivalent of me letting my giant bloodhound take a dump in your yard and putting a bright orange flag on it that has, as does your comment, a little frownie face on it, instead of cleaning it up.

Writing the pitiful words “I’m sorry.” This makes me sad and that’s not good since I make others sad by moaning and groaning to them. If you do this, you are responsible for black clouds forming wherever I go. I’m in London at the moment so it’s not too tough but please, try and let me have ONE good day.

Making a comment about how “wow we have the same name!” Jules Joyce, this doesn’t apply to Facebook. That friend request was awesome! I’ll accept any friend request usually, since I’m needy, but I’m not dragging down my site with an outbound link just because you’re Julianne Adair Joyce Jr.

Saying something negative about anything that we have written. Ok this is a joke. Contrary to what you may believe, we have simply never received any negative comments (more coughing.)

Things that WILL get your comments posted include being a mac daddy black hat spammer with excellent taste in music, complimenting us on being attractive and well-mannered and clever and having good hair and smiling nicely, referencing a particularly good point that we made and seconding it, listing out how you once thought something but the SEO Chicks changed your mind and now you’re a fully functional human being who gives money to charity and keeps a clean house, and/or sending links to photos of your private parts.

So please, if you’re going to comment, follow these guidelines. I could be spending that blog admin time surfing porn. I wouldn’t, but I could.

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