Threats: The New Way To Compete

Ever wanted to get rid of pesky competitors without having to get your hands dirty trying to figure out if they are or are not doing anything that violates Google’s guidelines? Now you can!! Why bother actually reporting them? That takes time, and you could be wrong. Don’t take that risk.

Eliminate the competition using the following three safe methods:

1. The Friendly Email
See a site ahead of you in the rankings? Well get a contact email and send something like the following…

“Hi Bob.

Just wanted to reach out and give you a friendly reminder to make sure that you know EXACTLY what your SEO company is doing. I’ve been reading a lot about how underhanded some of them are, so just ask yours a few questions and make sure that they’re being totally upfront with you. I know a guy who just got his site banned and he had no clue that his SEO was doing some shady stuff.

Have a great day! Jim”

Key takeaways:

  • Capitalize on the bad reputation that the SEO industry has. Joan Jett may not care, but everyone else does. Chances are, the guy’s damn SEO is definitely doing something underhanded and shady.
  • Always mention that imaginary friend who’s had his site’s backside smashed by Google. There’s no need for actual facts here. You’re simply trying to be helpful.
  • End with a chipper signoff to drive the point home. You care. If you can, throw in a cute emoticon, especially if it’s a waving smiley face.
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    This tends to work best with webmasters who:

  • Aren’t technically bright enough to understand what their SEO says.
  • Have been diagnosed with Acute Paranoia.
  • 2. The Gentle Threat
    If you’re exhausted from sending the Friendly Email and nothing’s happening, move on to the Gentle Threat. Just remember to be gentle. There’s no need for tacky behavior here.

    The Gentle Threat works something like this…and feel free to alter the tone if you think you need to be a bit nastier. Some of these assholes don’t listen.

    “Hi Bob.

    It’s Jim again. I really hate to be the one to scare you but a lot of guys in our industry are getting really upset about people using spammy SEO techniques to rank well. I don’t want you to get caught up in this, so you may want to watch out. I wouldn’t bother asking your SEO what he’s doing though. He’ll just make something up and keep taking your money. Just be careful, and watch your back. Even if you aren’t doing anything unethical, getting turned into Google won’t be pretty. I know a guy who had that happen and it took him 2 years to get his site back in.

    Best of luck!

    Key takeaways:

  • Again, it’s good to “know a guy” because a threat feels more real if it’s actually been realized with someone. It could happen to you too!
  • Apologize for being a bit threatening, but make sure the webmaster knows it’s the only way to protect him. You were forced into being an asshole.
  • Exaggerate the time spend straightening out this issue by about 1000%. It’s not like he’s going to look it up.
  • This tends to work best with webmasters who:

  • Didn’t listen to the Friendly Email.
  • Think that having good title tags means he’s spamming the world and breaking the internet.
  • Suffer from Acute Paranoia.
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    3. The Link To Reporting A Site
    If nothing else works, this will. Just send the webmaster an email linking to There’s no need to bother with trying to report any of the other violations since this one will work. Everyone worries about their links you know.

    Key takeaways:

  • The less you say here, the better. The link will do, all on its own.
  • I wouldn’t bother signing off with anything fun like “Be sweet you hear? Love, Jim” as that might make the webmaster start to cry.

  • This tends to work best with webmasters who:

  • Cry in public.
  • Use tin foil in an excessive manner.
  • Are paranoid, gullible, skittish, and reactionary. Chances are, if he IS using an SEO, that SEO’s gonna get fired today. Yay!!

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